There's something special about the mullet. It's a magical haircut that should only be worn by mystical creatures like leprechauns or midgets. It's like a forest fire; it grows wild and free, and if you get caught up in it, only a helicopter and veteran pilot can get you out. Be glad your dad never thought to punish you by forcing you to wear a mullet during your middle school years. But maybe he did think of it, but figured that you would end up on the cover of Newsweek after a week long hostage situation that would culminate in the senseless deaths of numerous students who had ridiculed you for your retarded hair cut. And yet, there were (still are, in some backwards places in our fair country) people who willingly pay another person to damage their reputations. Here are the best athlete mullets.
12.) Don Majkowski
Majkowski was a pretty decent quarterback in his day. He threw for 66 touchdowns and rushed for an additional 12 for the Packers, and was inducted into their hall of fame. The real reason for his success? The back-alley barber that mangled Majkowski's head every few weeks. Imagine trying to tackle a guy when his beautiful, golden, mulleted dome is distracting you.
11.) Jaromir Jagr
Jagr has been one of hockey's most prolific scorers and is currently 2nd among active players in goals, assists, and points. More importantly, his hair looks like a combination of Persian carpeting and the dog from The Wizard of Oz. It looked ridiculous flying behind in the wind as he skated down the ice. Around the year 2000, Jagr got wise and cut his hair. He still looks retarded, but that's due to his stupid droopy mouth.
10.) Ryan Smyth
Ryan Smyth is known for being an emotional hockey player. He's teared up after losses, after he got traded from the Oilers to the Islanders, and probably every time he looks at his horrifying hairstyle in the mirror. Still, he's a great guy...can't someone help him out by cutting his hair in his sleep?
9.) Andre Agassi
Agassi's mulleted head from the 90s is probably one of the most famous in the world. Not too many people know what an Egret's nest looks like, but it's probably more organized that this dude's hair. When he shaved his head, the statement he made was a resounding "Give me a mullet , or give me death...no wait, I didn't mean that literally. A shaved head is fine."
8.) Dennis Eckersley
Considered by many baseball fans as one of the greatest pitchers that ever lived, The Eck chalked up 390 saves and 2,401 strikeouts in his prolific 22 year career. More prolific than that? His hair. Not only did he sport a killer moustache, but his insane mullet rocked plenty of batters into submission. Most walked back to the dugout, unable to comprehend what they had just witnessed. He looked like a beautiful black stallion, his hair waving in the wind, until BOOM!, a curveball lands in there for strike three, and you're out, Nancy.
7.) Randy Johnson
He's tall and shockingly ugly. He's Randy Johnson, and he can throw a baseball pretty friggin' hard. No one really knows why Johnson loves his mullet so much. But think about it; if you looked like him, with your big weird gangly body and bird-like features, would it really matter what you did with your hair?
6.) John Kruk
John Kruk was somehow a professional athlete in spite of his obvious love for beer and chips. During his career, he hit exactly 100 homeruns, and sported a sweet mullet for all of them. Now, Kruksie is an analyst on ESPN and has (un) wisely changed his do.
5.) Bob Golic
Did you just ask if that's the guy from "Saved by the Bell-The College Years"? If you did, then you're right. Bob Golic acted in a bunch of shows after his 13-year football career ended, and we can only assume his outstanding choice of haircut had something to do with it.
4.) Dwayne Schintzius
When it comes to unpronouncible last names, Dwayne Schintzius takes the cake. No one knows how to pronounce that thing. But what's more important is that his head was always adorned with the road-kill type hair that put him on the map. Was he a good basketball player? Who knows.
3.) Tony Siragusa
This guy's day probably goes something like this: Wake up, eat a rack of ribs, drink a glass of gravy, go downstairs, eat breakfast, go to McDonalds, buy one of everything, drink milkshake, eat a pizza, and watch Everybody Loves Raymond. There's no time for grooming in that schedule at all...which is why Siragusa's mullet grows wild and free...like an evil tree in a Harry Potter book. Or something.
2.) Brian Bosworth
While many consider The Bos to be one of the biggest busts in NFL history, mullet enthusiasts everywhere agree that he lived up to some sort of mullet related hype.
1.) Barry Melrose
When it comes to the mullet, Barry Melrose is a pioneer. He's sported a mullet through thick and thin, and he always manages to make it stand out by covering it with bear grease and slicking it back.
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